Have you ever found yourself entirely deprived of the inspiration to draw or do anything creative whatsoever? Well, if your answer is no, then your a lucky bastard that knows nothing about what it's like to sit about wanting to crate, but in the end nothing comes to mind.

I've written volumes in my life, but it leads to nowhere. I've drawn magnificient pictures, but crumple them up and toss them away because I think they aren't good enough. I sing, but to whom? No one... I'm not in a choir, nor am I in a band. Infact, I haven't had an audience for over four years. If I started now, I'd suck all over again.

In my efforts to overcome this lack of inspiration, I recently have taken up violin - yet alas, there is one singular drawback: I need to hire a teacher to teach me how to strangle a note out of the little wooden instrument.

Yet I sit and hesitate to do even that. I think my lack of doing anything to further myself comes from the depression following the fiasco I created a few months back. For those of you who know what I'm talking about and have been in someway involved or effected - which seems to be the entirety of the Seattle area - I'd like to take this opportunity to apologize again - and again - and again - wait for it.... - and again. That's what it feels like. I feel as though I've been walking down the street apologizing to anyone who cares to listen. What's worse? It takes two to tango, and I'm the only one who's paying for my crimes. Oh well, it'll come around eventually. Kharma always gets the better of us... mine just seems to be kicking me in the teeth of recent.

I don't want pitty. I don't want tears. I don't even want those of you who have decided to drop my like an old glove to think twice. You'll do what you want to do. All I want you to know is that I am infact sorry for my misgivings. Know that. Got it? Okay then... let's move on, shall we?

So, inspiration... it'll come eventually. But if anyone out there knows how I can get myself kickstarted again, please feel free to tell me. I'm all ears. Well, not really because that would be disgusting... but overall: I AM LISTENING. So please, give me something to lsiten to. Oh, speaking of listening, I nabbed Decemberists tickets for Amber and me for the 4th of May. I'm looking forward to it. It's been so long since last I was to a concert. Well, the last one I was at was Depeche Mode and it rocked, but at the same time... I think May's venue will be a great help to my sense of fun.

Well, I'm off for now, but before I go I'd like to share something with all of you who are taking the time out of your busy lifes to read my piss poor journal. What I'd like to share with you is this:

'I love you all. No matter who you are, where you're coming from, or where you're going. Whether you've hurt me in the past or if I've been the one doing the hurting, know that I love you dearly. With all my heart.

I miss you all. No matter if you're right next to me or if you are twenty thousands leauges under the fucking frostbitten sea. You could be on the other side of the telephone after having visited for a week and over stayed your welcome and I'll still miss you like a fish misses water.

In the end it all comes down to one thing: love and togetherness. What is the value of a man who does not cherish these things above all else? I'd answer, but it'd be pointless really. You already know the answer. So ask yourself this: Is love and togetherness your priority?

I know that from now until my end of days... it shall be my only priority.

(By and bye - I'll update this site soon. I promise.)